The Boos and Moos of Life

The Next One

2010-07-23T00:50:00.001+08:00

People who actually do pay attention to my FB probably knows what I've been up to in my free time; creating digital artwork out of my photos.

Not bad for my first two tries I would say, but still tremendously amateurish compared to some of those I see online.

For example, Kubicki does his like no other. That's also where i try to get inspiration from.

His website: http://jarekkubicki.wordpress.com/

So for the next one, I'm trying to do something along the lines of Inception (lol so cliched I know. But that movie has been constantly on my mind since I watched it about a week ago.) No idea how to being, but I'm sure I'll get an idea. Afterall, it IS possible to have true inspiration, right? =D

Owned!

2010-07-17T12:17:00.002+08:00

Yes i said it! Prosperity Gospel just got owned by today's (Saturday) newspaper.

Quote from the author of the "Purpose Driven Life", one of the more popular Christian books out there.

"The idea that God wants everybody to be wealthy? There's a word for that. Baloney."

"You don't measure your self-worth by your net worth."

Indeed a low blow to the City Harvest Church of Singapore, which follows the "prosperity" way

Story!

2010-07-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

The writer in me has surfaced! Was typing a document on Word just now, and I suddenly got this cheesy idea for a story. Might sound cliched to most people, but I'm gonna try anyway =p

And no, it's not gonna be on romance a la Twilight-ish, not gonna be supernatural a la Twilight-ish, and definitely not rubbishy, ala Twilight-ish!
I'm sorry, I just can't seem to understand why people are head over heels about this vampire who can literally watch a girl sleep. I mean, EVERYONE can do it what!

Is it really simply because the protagonist embraces the girl's definition of a perfect guy? Romantic, handsome, caring, self-sacrificial. Sorry, but they really need a big wakeup call! It's like hoping my girlfriend is pretty, sexy, sweet, never argues, successful and yet not domineering, can cook, can do household chores. Oh, and just for fun, rich as well!

It's always fun to rebuke hardcore feminists lol (I emphasize the word "hardcore", since it's natural, and perfectly alright for the female gender to stand up for themselves after centuries of discrimination by men. See, I'm not completely a male chauvinist ok! Yet, it takes a big man to be a feminist, and clearly, I am not one =/ )

Those who really think females are socially equal (some say greater) than men has got to be suffering from a delusion.
1. If so, females should pay for their share of the meal, and not asked to be given a ride home, after a date.
2. National service. (Yes you may say it's an exchange for females getting pregnant, but that just proves my point further. WE ARE DIFFERENT. Guys handle external affairs, females, internal affairs 0.0)
3. Caning legalized by the law for females.

It's not that males are repulsed by the idea of a greater female presence in society. But it's already obvious that our physical and behavioral traits clearly separates us and our roles. Blame that on genetics.

Ok back to doing a draft of my short story. Will update on it soon =)

There's Always A First

2010-07-09T09:49:00.004+08:00

Yay finally returned from a 2 week-long stint out at sea. Was pretty ok; several highs and lows of the trips.

Threw up during the first 2 or 3 days. God I hate motion sickness. On the first day, there was this new sergeant who asked if I was ok, and tried to help me with it by giving me some sour plums. Found out the next day that he himself also threw up shortly after LOL. Irony irony. It was on the 3rd day, when this lady officer gave me some medication for help with it, that really got my aural stabilizers back under control.

So here it was, refraction and refraction. Topograhy...pachymetry, all the while some nurses were assisting the doctor in his surgeries. I still really wonder how he does them with the ship bobbing up and down.

Saturday and Sunday was like an "off" day for us - No surgeries, for us at least. As part of their exercise, the ship underwent combat simulation. And they LIVE FIRED THEIR CANNONS. Awfully loud explosion that left a trace of tremor and shockwave for everyone onboard to feel. Possibly the coolest thing I've experienced in the army up till now (Previously, it was the live grenade, which in retrospect, seems so miniscule compared to the ship's guns).

The subsequent days after, it was back to the mundane. Felt kinda embarrassed that us "guests" on the ship got quite a bit of special treatment. We had slightly better food, slightly wider accomodation beds (which wasn't very wide actually), and of course, no need for army regimentatiom, salutation or parades.

The day after we docked back in our little island, they even held this appreciation lunch for us. Food was ok, but that was probably the only one time we had a real opportunity to mingle around with each other.

Glad to say this was an experience. A pretty good one in fact.
And so I can now proudly say, "I'm the first Optometrist to do refraction on a warship!"

Music

2010-06-25T00:20:00.002+08:00

I like music! That's why I'm an audiophile!

Especially instrumentals from the various genres. Been recently hooked to Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by Vanessa Mae. I can HEAR EVERYTHING, form the violin to the violas and electric keyboard.

Music, is my life. Music, is the universal language. Music, transcends boundaries =D

On a side note, it's probably gonna be goodbye for 2 weeks =(.
Till then!

Opportunity?

2010-06-20T02:01:00.003+08:00

K perhaps everyone should know by now, my Air Force Ophthalmologist just asked if I would go on board one of the Navy's frigates to help out in eye tests and surgeries.

Seriously, I'm at a dilemma. Sure the experience will be invaluable. But I'm quite nervous about being alone on a ship for 2 weeks (2 weeks on land in Thailand was bad enough). Claustrophobia, seasickness...the list goes on.

That said, if I were to do it, I'd probably be the first Optometrist, no, Singaporean, to perform eye tests on board a warship -.-

Iphone 4!

2010-06-14T01:03:00.002+08:00

I'm soo gonna buy the Iphone 4 when it comes out. So I resisted the urge to spend at this weekend's PC show.

It was announced just at a time when I'm preparing to ORD, which pretty much signals the time for a new phone. K la, 7 months is still a long way, but I'm looking forward.

No I'm not an Apple freak. I just want a phone that can do multiple stuff at once (like for example, be like my Itouch, which was given to me by my friends last year. Many big thanks for it still! =))

The Itunes store has way more applications that the Android, so yea, another huge "Plus" factor for me. Till then, I just hope the price of the Iphone isn't as extravagant as its features.

Audiophile!

2010-06-09T23:32:00.002+08:00

Call me paranoid, but I was repeatedly swapping my various earphones/headphones, trying to find the one which gave the best "oomph". (A thousand curses to Apple for not allowing a manual equalizer on the iTouch! Which pretty much resulted in me having to change the equalizer setting after every song -.-)

Winner: Sennheiser headphones.
Ok la, not to say that it's totally fantastic. Afterall, I took it from the eye room back at the office XD. Still, the brand is a leading name in audio quality.

NOW, I really NEED to find an app that allows a manual equalizer adjustment!

Food For Thought

2010-06-06T18:45:00.003+08:00

The following passage was copied/pasted from one of my friends on Facebook. It has NOTHING TO DO with me. But I pretty much share this guy's sentiments. (The original has a lonnng list of arguments, which I shall not bother with. Still it's a wall of text).

Letter to a Christian Girlfriend
Saturday, 27 February 2010 at 21:10

Some Memories; No Doubt just Ramblings to the Passerby

When I first entered the National University of Singapore, I was the loner kid who did not bat an eyelid at girls. Girls, with all their idiosyncrasies like gossiping or buying pairs of shoes after shoes, were too much for me to handle. I was more interested in climbing, and girls only served to take away my climbing time.

You first approached me. You started giving me gifts, like chocolates and small cards. These little nuggets made a boring day suddenly exciting. In all your little notes, you asked about my life; you dropped encouragements; you made me feel special in a way no other person has managed to. Any unfeeling heart would melt under these circumstances.

In the one year that we spent together, I cannot remember a single unhappy moment. Sure we had disagreements, but we sorted them out as soon as they surfaced. Never once had we an argument. I still remember the incident when you crashed the car. To the best of my ability, I arranged for a mechanic to repair the damages, negotiated for a good repair price between the accident victim and the mechanic, and paid for all the upfront costs first. Do you remember how I told you then since you did not have any liquid assets; you could try to barter your fully stocked cupboard with the parties? A little nasty yes, but all for your own good. In the end, I still helped you make the payment with the money I scrupulously saved.

I still remember our overseas trips. Those weeks spent away from urbanisation, getting to learn more about each other, and gaining insights together. All these memories I hold close to my heart. But they aren’t important anymore. After one year together, without warning, you dropped a bombshell on me – convert or break up. I was devastated. I cannot begin to describe the hurt and anguish I felt. You’ve left me behind to walk the long road ahead on my own. I languished in my grief. I can’t even do the thing I loved to do most – climbing. All the fight has been drained out of me. How long will it take to pick up the pieces? I wonder. One Chinese proverb particularly lent me support: If you can pick it up, you should be able to put it down. In my desire to understand how a religion, which in its entirety claims to preach love and compassion, drove you to unilaterally and resolutely want the break up, I achieved revelation. Indeed, the learning process is accelerated when feelings are invested.

Undone by 2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked together with non-believers. You believe that God created you in His image, and that He is ‘a member of your body’. Because of this religious doctrine, you believe that the resulting union between a Christian and a non-Christian is unholy. You believe that you will not be granted entry into the Kingdom of Heaven. You believe that if you commit the sin, you will burn for eternity in hellfire.

I realise now how you could be so calm when you made your decision to break up known to me. I collapsed with grief, whereas you could still go jamming with the rest in the immediate aftermath. You felt like you were doing God’s work, and you found peace in Him. I had no such consolation. My life just fell apart. In sorrow, I grasped at reasons at why you might be unhappy with me. Did I treat you badly? Was I overly possessive? Was I not spontaneous enough for you? All these queries drew a blank.

Only after reading the scripture did my hurt, disappointment and anger subside. I realised the very difficult spiritual position you were in. Just like how Christ is head of the Church, the man is to be the head of the house. I cannot provide you with the spiritual support that is demanded of me in the bible. The bible you believe to be the divinely inspired word of God.

Siandardized

2010-06-06T02:21:00.002+08:00

Oh man. At first I thought the shots I took were acceptable. Until I took a look at them a few days later, and found them abhorrent. Despite countless hours of photoshop editing, they seem to become real amateurish. God, even the presets didn't seem to help, suggesting the fault lies in the pictures themselves.

URGH. Why can't I produce something of quality for once!?

Someone on facebook said it could be time for an equipment upgrade. Perhaps it's partially true after all.

On the other hand, my friends said that my expectations had "leveled up". Orly?

I just think the more I shoot, the lousier I get.

Damn, how I wish I was a digital artist, like my friend is -.-. The things he draw are out of this world.

Fiasco

2010-06-01T23:02:00.002+08:00

Hey! let me jump onto the bandwagon and say a little about City Harvest Church.

One of Singapore's megachurches, being investigated for misuse of donor funds. Now, that probably rings a bell huh *Points to Mingyi* Internet users fiercely debating over who's right and who's wrong too.

Had a fruitful discussion about it today at work with my army colleagues. K la, none of us are pro-CHC, so the news sort of provoked us into fiery speech haha.

Our take home points:

1. A charity or religious organization should never step into investment of their funds, of which CHC directly or indirectly has done. Even if nothing wrong is committed, if would still inevitably draw flak from the general public. It may also risk isolation from other religious groups, including its own.

2. Popularize your sermons and congregation, and it starts to become a pop concert. Sure, nothing wrong about modernizing the methods to preach the Word. But if followers require all these to maintain their interests, something is definitely wrong.

3. It's kind of strange such churches say they use a certain version of the bible, when so strong an emphasis lies on the "tithing" portion. Don't forget, different versions were created because of different interpretations. And I guess the Chapter about tithing is probably the only one they talk about almost every other day.

3. Tithing in a more forceful/persuasive/repetitive way is not good. Let people donate without you having to tell them. If you have enough to acquire a Suntec Convention Hall, you know you have enough. Please don't ask for more.

4. Low cuts are generally good! Unless you happen to be one of the public faces of a religious organization. In this case, the pastor's wife.

On a side note, I just find it funny that when City Harvest decided to send a medical team to earthquake-struck Indonesia, the OTHER megachurch decided to do the same. What is this, some sort of popularity or attention contest? Wait, was there even a need to put so much publicity on their voluntary aid team?

Woes of today's religions. The atheists and agnostics can't help but laugh. Maybe even other religions too.

Battle of the Sexes

2010-05-30T22:24:00.004+08:00

Not good! My photography habits are shifting from unisex to mainly females!

Eh I shoot without any pervertic intentions okay! It's that I just don't seem to find the men's attire or posture as interesting as women. Unless of course those men appear different and photo-worthy lah. For e.g, long beards, elaborate facial lines, tattoos, or even poses.

So for now, it's mainly the females, who already have an upper hand when some omniscient being decided that they should be more vain and have more clothing variety, right? =/

Wah, I think I sound like some male chauvinist here.

And I just don't seem to understand my other photography-hobbyist friends who like to take pictures of models or automobiles.

1.Models: They are naturally (some artificially) pretty already what! All they need to attract you GUYS' attention is to strike some cute/suggestive pose or take on a bikini outfit. The resulting photos are also always of the same flavour; faked and wannabe-ish.

2. Automobiles: Ehhhh what's so sexy about cars/motorbikes. I mean of course every guy has a dream car. But I don't see why you need to take pictures of EVERY car you come across, and in so many different angles too (Angles include, front, engine, windscreen, wheels, back, backside). Unless of course you tell me you want to hump them via their exhaust pipes!

Need More Faces

2010-05-28T22:27:00.006+08:00

Yay. Today's a holiday. Went out with my dad's heavyweight camera lens (Yes he lent it to me!), the 70-200 F4.

Took heck loads of pictures of random people. No I'm not a stalker. I just happen to like snapping people nowadays; a fresh new change from street photography. Deleted most of them though, as they seemed to lack the "special" touch.

After a while, got left with 2 pictures of caucasians. Spent 2 hours photoshopping on them, and finally got them uploaded onto facebook =D Pretty satisfied with the end result.
It kind of helped that those 2 caucasians were also photogenic la.

NOW the important thing! I'm looking for people to contribute their faces for my portraiture album!

WTB more faces please =/

Feeling Smarter!

2010-05-27T19:20:00.002+08:00

Yes! I feel that I've become smarter by 10 times! All thanks to this MENSA General Knowledge quiz book that my friend brought to work today. Also makes us realize how stupid we really are in general knowledge

Pop Quiz!

1. We all know which is the largest country in the world. But which is the SECOND largest?

2. What is the name of the galaxy closest to that of ours?

The former is rated "easy", and the latter of "medium" difficulty.
Try these without searching through the internet.

And yes, I did already know the answer beforehand =p

Rainbows and Clouds

2010-05-24T22:21:00.002+08:00

Aiya. I wish my life was that colourful. Trying to stay fit, much to no avail.

Swim occasionally, basketball occasionally. The only thing I can't do is dedicated running. Which makes it pretty much everything anyway -.-

I've got 8 freaking more months in the army! I applied to LSE's Economics and Law programmes. Though I know I'm most likely going to just get a slap in the face! Haha. But just try, right? As with everything in life. You won't know until you try.

I learnt a new word today!

"Cunnilingus"
A chim replacement for a vulgar act. -.-

New Post! Again

2010-05-24T01:34:00.002+08:00

Couldn't resist the temptation to start e-penning my thoughts again. Afterall, it was all those emo posts that made me realize blogging was a melancholic affair.

SO. I promise, no more emo entries from now on. Very personal stuffs, I'll leave that out too.

On the other hand, it is one way to brush up on vocabulary, right?

Alright, so the "Word of the Day" is "RSVP". How many of us genuinely know what it stands for, or how to pronounce it? *Feeling proud I'm one of them =D*

Bleargh.

We.

2009-05-16T13:13:00.002+08:00

" We loved so many, yet hated so much.
We hurt others, and were hurt ourselves. "

" We yearn to fly, yet fear falling
We desire to know, but fear crying. "

Our Job.

2009-04-18T19:19:00.001+08:00

Your job, is to make sure people go to the right place after they die.

My job, is to make sure people do not die at all.

Totally different.
Totally irrelevant.
Totally, contradicting.

Better off Dead

2009-04-18T01:48:00.003+08:00

Army destroys your life. Your plans.
And it doesn't care if it does.

On the other hand, those whom you hope do care, do not too.

So what's the point?

As we army men put it.
"Just die la!"

---------------------

Picture if you will, a tree with one trunk, splitting, separating into many branches. And these branches, once splitted, never meet again. They have no intention of criss-crossing one another, but just branching out, towards their own sunlight.

To each himself.
To each his self.

And that, is us.

Engrish!

2009-01-13T14:06:00.001+08:00

I need to brush up my English!

Let's start with some alliterations.

"I tawt I taw a putty kat!"

...K that's not even one.

Because Everyone's Different.

2008-11-01T18:33:00.003+08:00

I know why I'm just not so easily converted (Not pulling back any words here).
Because everyone is different. Not everyone has ever experienced the stuff I have experienced. Conversely, I've not experienced what everyone else has.

----

People look up into the sky, and imagine some omnipresent being looking down at them. Watching them. Caring for them.

I look up, and can only find the sun, the clouds, the stars. For I can't make myself to believe that everyone else before me, are there. If they were good people, some of them shouldn't even be up there. But rather, here, living a mundane yet happy life.

----

When people close their eyes, they can hear voices, speaking to them. Conscience? An omnipresent being, maybe?

When I close my eyes, I hear a deafening silence. Perhaps, only just my own thoughts, telling myself how quiet, how lonely that voice is.

----

When people look around and see the unfortunate, they thank the omnipresent being that they have been spared that fate. Maybe, they'll pray for them too.

When I look around and see the unfortunate, well. I begin to ask why some people are like that, while some aren't. For even the the nicest, thoughtful, or most considerate are stricken. While people like me, or maybe people worse than me, still lead a considerably problem-free life.

----

People have seen miracles. I have seen miracles.
People have seen ghosts. I have seen ghosts (or so I think).
But people believe, and I don't.

Sure, I've tried to make myself believe. But there are so many things, that make me question. Why this? Why that?

Ya, humans can never understand the greater design, or so they say.
Therein, if I fail to understand, I just can't lie to myself. To everyone. That I believe.

----

The agnostic: Scorned by believers for their inability to find faith. Laughed at by atheists for being wishy-washy.

Let Fly, Sparks and Words Alike.

2008-09-22T01:15:00.003+08:00

There may have been better moments.
Better times together as friends.
Better times to even talk about this.

Hell, I'm not even gonna talk about it.
For moments of respect have all just guttered.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Though more of the times, I was the one doing so.

What happens next, is everyone's guess.
A fleeting moment, or a fulfilling time
Sure, I still hope things will end up well.
But I'm sure, some things now don't seem so sure.
And if we let it fly, sparks and words alike,
Maybe, it will say what we feel inside.

-In memory of-
the long yet brief moment of humanoid socializing
that has occurred,
and lived,
and died.

Worn Out

2008-09-05T21:23:00.002+08:00

Physiotherapy is a pain. Literally.
After every session, my entire thigh just can't support any weight.
Like, no bones at all.
Sigh. And the knee seems to feel worse rather than better.

Bleah. Nothing I can do, but just continue and hope it gets better.

I've been sleeping at 6 am these few days. Really wondering why I can't fall asleep, even though I go to bed at 1.

So damn tired.

And It Gets Worse.

2008-08-25T23:58:00.002+08:00

Life. Worse. Worst. Sucked. Still sucks.

K first thing I did coming off the plane, I napped.
Went to CMPB for the medical status update, all because I tore a knee ligament, which till now is giving me a heck of a problem with walking. Can't even run or do sports.

Worst of all, it's not going to heal.
Like the doctor said, "let's hope once you undergo physiotherapy, your muscles are strong enough, and the pain will go away. Otherwise, you'll probably want to opt for a reconstruction surgery".

PROBABLY?! Hell no would I ever want to live with this kind of pain for the rest of my life.

So I downgraded my PES status, and there's a delay in my enlistment.
And the staff said the september/october batch is already full, so I may enlist in the next batch instead. So it's another 3 months wasted. Everyone I know would have passed-out of BMT by then.

What the hell. Everything gets worse and worse.
Jump the building and break two legs la. Thanks.

Freaky

2008-08-19T00:20:00.002+08:00

Talk about the 7th lunar month.

There was this lady in my dreams two nights back.
And just yesterday, I thought I saw someone in Shibuya who looked exactly like that lady.

And last night it was a totally different dream with that stranger again.

Wapiang. Freaky.

The Perfect Question

2008-08-14T03:55:00.004+08:00

It's 5am over here in Japan. More specifically, downtown Shibuya, Tokyo.

My aunt's given me the freedom. She stays at the hotel. I stay at Saya's place. Er, actually, her tenant, since her family is in Kyoto.

Just a few days here, and I already start telling myself I want to stay here once I retire. Or better still, work and live a life here.

The people here, albeit strangers, are still very nice.
It's pretty much food haven here also.
But most important, the style of living here is simply. Paradise.

Most people's holidays are comprised of rushing around tourist hotspots, frantic meals, and little sleep time. Just like the Hong Kong trip.

Mine? Totally the opposite. But I guess it's all thanks to someone's planning =)
Everything is slow. And I'm just trying to savour the time that's left.
Allows me to clear my thoughts also.

On a side note, I saw this question today.

"Do you think you're perfect? Far from perfect? Or imperfect?"

And I learnt the difference between the latter two. Oh well.
99.999999% of the people will not choose the first option. Leaving down to the last two. And their choice may just suggest what kind of person they are =/
Oh well, some psychology test I suppose.

The following is just some personal stuff. Totally unrelated with this post.
Rubbish, if you will. But it'd make me feel better throwing my rubbish here, then throwing it inside myself. Because it's honestly hard to tell someone verbally.

-----------

You know, back then. I really regretted not telling how I feel.
Was afraid of pushing for an answer.
But now, it seems like I've missed out on that chance.
Then again, maybe it's because I didn't dare to.
Like everyone, I'm afraid. And I still am.
Furthermore, things between have not changed, if not, gotten worse.
Which makes me even afraid.

------------

Wapiang 2

2008-08-06T02:56:00.000+08:00

Heh it's 3 am in the morning.

It's not that I haven't slept.
It's just that I slept at 11, and my mind stubbornly refuses to let me stay in sleep.
Must be the stupid dreams just now.
Always get stupid dreams.

Somehow. Someone is making me feel all excited about the Japan trip.
I mean, I don't usually get all excited like "OMFG I'm sooooo looking foorward!" that kind of thing.

On the other hand, there are so many people in Singapore I do not want to see. Reminds me of all sorts of things.
People who just don't understand.
People who just can't accept who you are; what you've to go through.
People who just have to criticize upon everything you do.

But you know, the prospect of seeing someone there.
I don't know.
Friends la.
But I still do miss that kind of feeling.

How long, if ever, have you ever had a friend who would talk about anything, anyone, anywhere? Well, mine was only one month at a time.

Throughout that short duration, almost all your meals were taken with this, buddy.
Almost all the things you did, together.

Yet throughout, this person never got bored, even if the things you did were always the same.
Likewise, and you never got bored of this person.

Japan

2008-08-04T00:24:00.000+08:00

Finalllyyyyyyy. Waited all my life for this.
Feeling real glad for the first time in months =D

Off to the land of a red dot on white paper.

I can die without regrets now.

Society's Handicap.

2008-08-02T01:11:00.001+08:00

Singapore's society is simply unrelentless with the handicapped, be it any kinds.
(And no, I'm not going to be hypocritical by calling them the 'misfortunate', even though they are)

Sure, talk about ramps at housing areas to facilitate walking, or more senior-friendly designed bus rides, or giving up seats on the MRT.

They all have one thing in common. Other people simply do not have to put in much effort to "give in to their needs".

But when scenes move to the workforce, or situations where everyone may be affected/ implicated, things are totally different. We despise, or simply do not feel that the handicapped should be entrusted with important jobs, even if it is something within their means. Simple because they are handicapped. A sub-species of society, if you will.

So what if they're blind, deaf, mute, or having mobility problems?

May lightning strike the idiots who look upon them as a subset of a whole.

Wapiang

2008-07-31T04:15:00.000+08:00

Now it's my turn to get sick.

Flu virus.

Not to mention walking has become a chore, ever since i strained that thigh muscle.

Don't you just hate what life can throw at you sometimes. -.-

Down Again.

2008-07-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

It's approaching the time of the year.
Perhaps one I'd never forget.

Every year, I'd just go there and leave some flowers behind. Shan't be any exception this year. And I pray, all of us shall not forget.

Yep yep. I've kept my promise thus far.
I've survived another year.

...Survived. Because to tell the truth, I'm struggling somewhere.
More an emotional burden than a physical one.
Faith is what everyone needs; what I need.
But it appears that's what I lack the most.

-----

Malaysia. Day 7.
A simple and yet, not-so-simple day.
Ok that was contradictory.

Shopped for groceries with everyone else at Giant.
Kinda fun, especially when we seem to almost always hold a 'conference' to decide on choosing a particular brand of one food product.

Also, talked a lot about the differences between a Malaysian and Singaporean life.
They too agreed it was easier on their side of the Causeway.
Though, not much easier.

Later we went to an orchard (is that the word for flower farm?)
Woot. One could literally smell the difference in the air.
And I realized something.
Other than roses, orchids, sunflowers, chrysanthemums (and Rafflesia), I just can't seem to figure out what the other species are.

Standing or Moving.

2008-07-27T01:03:00.000+08:00

Day 6. Malaysia. Slight drizzle.

Not yet a week, and indeed, the urban part of me is already getting restless. Suburban lifestyle will definitely need some getting used to.

I'm itching to resume a normal life in Singapore. But what for? To face the hospital? To see and bear the unhappiness that looms around everywhere, everyone?

Been doing the things I've been doing the past few days.
Playing with the baby. Playing with the dog.
They never fail to brighten up your day.

Ironic huh?
One can't relate to babies and dogs, but it's like they can always bring about some much-needed lightheartedness. Not even your close ones can provide such constant encouragement.

For one moment today, I was staring at the clock.
Everybody's lives, behavioural nature, all revolve around this simple revolution of the second hand.

Round and round it goes around the clock face.
This simple repetitive movement, sets for many things in motion.
The minute, the hour.
And on the macro scale, events, happenings, births, deaths.
Ultimately, it generates the human concept of time.
But time never existed, does it? It is, afterall, just a human concept.
Our human nature is fearful of the unknown that is the future.
Our human nature doesn't want us to forget past events.

Because. We simply can't let go.

Upkeep.

2008-07-26T01:27:00.001+08:00

Some things are just difficult to maintain, sustain, or retain.

Friday.
Fifth day in Malaysia. Actually, not really counted.
Since I just blindly returned home.

Not feeling mad.
Just feeling dumb.
This definitely isn't the first time, where plans suddenly change after a certain degree of commitment.

And I just kept quiet about it.
No point making someone else feel bad.
No point making someone else feel mad.
No point making someone else feel obliged.
Nothing good's gonna come out.

I guess. This is the whole purpose of this Malaysia break.
Run away from this shit life that is Singapore, and everything associated with it.
...Yep. Everything.

Whys

2008-07-23T00:57:00.000+08:00

Why is it that we try and show ourselves in a positive light?
Why is that we try so hard everyday to have others like us?
Why is that, when people finally like us, we want to be alone?

The 3 whys. I suppose many are guilty of this sometimes. Even myself.

I was lying on bed. Thinking.
Nowadays, the only thing I do is think. And ponder. And wonder.
And in the end, I'll always be left in an utter state of mental mess.

Living is a chore.
If it weren't for the uncertainty of what comes after death,
I would have called it salvation.
If there IS indeed something after,
I'd most likely be heading to hell.

Then again, some1 asked me before.
Would it matter where we ended up, as long as we could tell ourselves that we had helped, or made at least 1 person smile throughout our entire life?

I agree. Problem is, I don't think I've done it yet.
On the contrary, I've been doing the opposite.
Willingly, or otherwise.
Knowingly, or otherwise.
Why?

Huh.

2008-07-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

Don't even know why I've returned to blogging. Lost interest ever since the hiatus.

For now, things are pretty much messed up.
Health is not healthy.
Friendships (all kinds) are not friendly.
And life now is certainly not about living.

I'd look at things in retrospect, and regret over a lot of stuff.
Yet, I never tried to change things.
And I'd wonder why I made those wrong decisions in the same place.
And I'd start regretting again.

It just goes around in circles.

Here I am, typing all this in Malaysia. Suburbs I would say.
Just wanna get away from city life.
Away from my life.

You know.
It's not that I'm not willing. It's just that, I still can't. Overcome. My own fears.